


cow disguises and tactical kisses

by tangentiallly



Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket
Genre: 2020 sugar bowl tournament, F/F, Gen, Pre-Canon, cow disguise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:53:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23025850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tangentiallly/pseuds/tangentiallly
Summary: Jacques tells Dewey about a certain mission, unaware that there are two more people listening to their conversation.
Relationships: Beatrice Baudelaire/Kit Snicket, Jacques Snicket & Dewey Denouement
Comments: 8
Kudos: 10





	cow disguises and tactical kisses

**Author's Note:**

> for asoue-network's 2020 sugar bowl tournament, prompt: [jacques, cow disguise](https://quietworlds.dreamwidth.org/692.html?thread=9396#cmt9396)

Jacques glanced around the library carefully as he slowly followed Dewey to his desk. “This place is totally safe and private,” Dewey assured him, his eyes serious and sincere. “Whatever important confidential information about the mission you want to tell me, it’s safe to tell me here, our enemies won’t find out.”

Jacques hesitated a bit, still glancing around suspiciously.

Dewey frowned, looking a little sad - “And Ernest - well - if you’re worried about him, you don’t have to. Whatever his loyalties are, if he really finds out, I could always … persuade him not to share it with his associates. Anyway I think he’s currently on the 9th floor inspecting the restaurant, so you don’t have to worry.”

Dewey pulled out one of his files from one of the bookcases, and opened it to the page that Jacques saw had some basic details of his recent mission near a certain farm, including the mission purpose and what they were trying to steal.

“If this is really so confidential and secret that you think it’s not safe for other volunteers to find out either for safety reasons, I think it’s still good to have the whole mission documented somewhere. I don’t think you need to worry too much about the information leaking out, since this library’s existence, just like me, is a secret that not much people know.” Dewey grabbed a pen from the desk. “I’ll even write it in code if you prefer? Now, tell me about this mission, I want to document every little detail, it’s important. My job is to document everything.”

Jacques told him about the mission. The primary parts of it first - of how he attempted to steal the important object from the farm, and how he was discovered. Dewey’s face fell in concern, “Oh no, you got caught?”

Jacques sighed. “Unfortunately, yes.”

“You don’t have any untreated wounds do you? As much as I think documenting information is important, we should always tend to your wounds first.”

“No, I’m fine,” Jacques said quickly. “It’s 3 days ago, and I didn’t get hurt, I escaped without harm.”

Dewey smiled. “That’s good to hear!” He paused. “I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, because I think your safety is more important than the object itself and we could always organize another mission for it, but I need to ask, since this is very relevant, did you manage to bring the object back?”

“Oh, I have it,” Jacques said. He was slightly jittery before Dewey asked the question, because he did not particularly want the method of his escape to be written down - not that it’s any confidential organization secret, but it’s - definitely something his friends would continuously bring up if they ever found out. Especially his sister. He was relieved that Dewey only asked about the object and not his method of escape.

“Excellent,” Dewey beamed. “Now, how did you escape?”

Jacques sighed to himself internally.

Should not have gotten relieved so early.

“Do the details really matter?” Jacques said, evasively.

“It’s important to document how our volunteers successfully escaped,” Dewey said solemnly. “So future volunteers could have something to learn from.”

Jacques had this horrible image of future volunteers learning this in class. He pushed that image out of his mind firmly.

“I -” Jacques paused. He had a few quick seconds to decide if he should come up with a lie about all this, or just give in and tell the truth. But perhaps it was his inner volunteer integrity, perhaps it was seeing how serious Dewey was taking his job, perhaps it was just because Dewey was looking sincerely at him, or perhaps he was just not good at coming up with instant lies - “can you write this part in code?” He asked.

“Of course,” Dewey said immediately.

“I - first disguised myself amongst the cows and then drove away in a tractor,” Jacques said very, very quickly, wanting to get this part over this real fast.

Dewey blinked several times as if Jacques said the words too fast and jumbled that he needed a moment to parse this sentence in his head, and then a faint amused smile emerged on his face and Jacques added, “PLEASE do write that in code I would appreciate it very much thank you Dewey you’re the best.”

Dewey, no longer able to suppress his laughter to just a faint smile, began to cackle.

Jacques sighed.

* * *

When Beatrice invited Kit to secretly sneak into Dewey’s library and steal a book about thievery with her, this wasn’t exactly what she’d been expecting. 

“I can’t just borrow a book on thievery, Kit,” she had told Kit, “it’s a book on thievery. Of course I have to prove to the book that I am worthy of reading it, so I have to steal it. Come on, K, this will be fun.”

It was fun, sneaking around in the library and feeling Kit’s hand in hers as they quietly sneaked in without Dewey noticing, stealthily navigating the bookcases and exchanging knowing smiles at each other when they saw a book with an interesting title. It was, feeling how close Kit was to her, hearing her quiet breath, as they hid behind one of the bookcases just as Dewey was passing. It was fun, having an adventure in a secret library with one of her favorite persons in the world. She could feel her heartbeat speeding up, especially when she exchanged knowing smiles with Kit.

But none of those fun really matched up to eavesdropping on Jacques and Dewey’s conversation, and the entertaining reveal that came with it.

“Cow disguise?” she mouthed at Kit incredulously once she heard, wanting to make sure she did not hear wrong, that Jacques had indeed said that.

From Kit’s expression that’s on the verge of laughter, Beatrice was fairly certain she heard correctly. She herself was having a hard time not bursting into laughter. But she wanted to successfully sneak in and out without being discovered, and while she felt that Dewey’s own laughter might help cover up some of their voices, there was still a risk of them being discovered if they laughed out loud right now.

“We need a way to stay quiet and laugh about this later,” Kit mouthed to her. “If we don’t want to be discovered.”

“It’s so funny though,” Beatrice mouthed back, her lips twitching.

Kit was shaking with silent laughter. “I KNOW, i cannot BELIEVE -” she mouthed at Beatrice.

“I have an idea,” Beatrice whispered. “That might help.”

Kit arched an eyebrow.

“We press our lips together to make sure no sounds escape from our lips,” Beatrice proposed, a clever idea, if she could say so herself.

Kit blinked.

And blinked again.

“Sounds …. smart,” she murmured. “Let’s do it.”


End file.
